Hamnet | Maggie O'Farrell

    She grows up feeling wrong, out of place, too dark, too tall, too unruly, too opinionated, too silent, too strange.  She grows up with the awareness that she is merely tolerated, an irritant, useless, that she does not deserve love, that she will need to change herself substantially, crush herself down if she is to be married. She grows up, too, with the memory of what it meant to be properly loved, for what you are, not what you ought to be. 
    There is just enough of this recollection alive, she hopes, to enable her to recognize it if she meets it again.  And if she does, she won't hesitate. She will seize it with both hands, as a means of escape, a means of survival. She won't listen to the protestations of others, their objections, their reasoning.  This will be her chance, her way through the narrow hole at the heart of the stone, and nothing will stand in her way. (49-50)

Over the next while, she observes him carefully, in the manner of a doctor watching a patient.  She sees how he cannot sleep at night but then cannot rouse himself in the morning. How he rises at midday, groggy, whey-faced, his mood flat and grey.  The smell of him is worse then, the sour, rank scent soaked into his clothing, his hair.  His father comes to the door, shouting and bawling, telling him to stir himself, to put in a day's work.  She sees how she, Agnes, must remain calm, steady, must make herself bigger, in a way, to keep the house on an even keel, not to allow it to be taken over by this darkness, to square up to it, to shield Susanna from it, to seal off her own cracks, not to let it in. (158)

Agnes lifts her chin a little higher. There is no disgrace, says the straightness of her back.  There is no problem in our marriage, says the proud, outward curve of her middle.  There is no failing in the business, say her husband's shining boots. (176)

She presses the muscle, presses and presses, as if she might draw juice from it.  She senses mostly noise, at first: numerous voices, calling in loud and soft and threatening and entreating tones.  His mind is crammed with a cacophony, with strife, with overlapping speech and cries and yells and yelps and whispers, and she doesn't know how he stands it, and there are the other women, she can feel them, their loosened hair, their sweat-marked handprints, and it sickens her but she keeps holding on, despite wanting to let go, to push him away, and there is also fear, a great deal of fear, of a journey, something about water, perhaps a sea, a desire to seek a faraway horizon, to stretch his eyes to it, and beneath all this, behind it all, she finds something, a gap, a vacancy, an abyss, which is dark and whistling with emptiness, and at the bottom of it she finds something she has never felt before: his heart, that great, scarlet muscle, banging away, frantic and urgent in its constancy, inside his chest.  It feels so close, so present, it's almost as if she could reach out and touch it.
He is still looking at her when she releases her grip. Her hand nestles, inactive, inside his.
"What did you find?" he says to her. 
"Nothing," she replies. "Your heart."
"That's nothing?" He says, pretending to be outraged.  "Nothing? How could you say such a thing?"
She smiles at him, a faint smile, but he snatches her hand to his chest.

"And it's your heart," he says, " not mine."
(265)

I am dead:

Thou livest;

... draw thy breath in pan,

To tell my story

--Hamlet, Act V, scene ii

(215)

***

5/5. I'm in awe that anyone could write something so stunning and tragic. One of my top 5 favorite books. I promised no spoilers on this blog, so I won't say more. But WOW, wow wow.

If you've read this book-- did you feel the same? Let's chat!

The Birthday Book | Ann Druit, Christine Fynes-Cliton, & Marjie Rowling

 ✨”What comes through in this volume, above and beyond the wealth of down-to-earth ideas and suggestions, is a sense of the real meaning of birthdays: how they are milestones on a journey in which each of us, with our precious and different gifts, increasingly gets to grips with life and hopefully- unfolds our full potential.” (vii)

✨”It is not the years in your life but the life in your years that counts.” Adlai Stevenson (viii)

✨”You have no birthday because you have always lived; you were never born and never will you die. You are not the child of the people you call mother and father, but their fellow-adventurer on a bright journey to understand the things that are.” Richard Bach (1)

✨”I woke that day feeling unusually terrible, not just plain terrible but fancy terrible, terrible with raisins in it. Oh yes, it was my birthday.” Dorothy Parker (13)

✨”There will come a time, perhaps sooner, perhaps later, when such a celebration will change, will be moulded by the passing of years, and will eventually need to be relinquished to take its place in the many-coloured patchwork of family memories.” (44)

***

5/5. A Fabulous resource for birthdays. Magical and simple and sweet.

Early Riser Companion | Elizabeth Antonia

Note, these are additional quotes I found inspiring. The original five can be found on my instagram page, @yourstrulykait !

This is the season of childhood

And as swiftly as Spring turns into Summer

Summer to Autumn, Autumn to Winter,

the season of childhood will end. 

But for now

WE ARE HERE.

Wake up and greet the day.

Ready or not, there is a little one

waiting for you.

Good Morning,

Early Riser. 

(11)

This, for me, is the great juxtaposition of motherhood: the pure love, the expansion of the heart; and the simultaneous longing for freedom, for sleep, for time, for whatever else feels sacrificed on the altar of raising small humans. 

(109)

We need symbols of light during these dark days.  Fill your home with light. Fill your heart with light.  When faced with obstacles, keep going.  If something is making you feel bad, change it.  Each little light that shines against the darkness helps someone get through. 

(121)

For the record, around these parts the tooth fairy brings two silver dollar coins and a crystal. 
(39).

We are growing alongside our little ones.  We have the honor to witness the littlest and biggest facets of their lives unfold... In creating a sanctuary of home, an intentional place nurtured in private for each family member, our children experience respite and stability.  A place to pause and dream.  This held space will be felt by them on a cellular level, and they will carry it out into the world when they are ready.
(13)

(On Chores)...Rushing through them says to them, "I am doing the dishes. I am sweeping the floor. I am folding the laundry. This is MY chore to do, not yours.  Do not interrupt my important work." And in a couple of years, they begin to believe it. "This is your chore Mom, not mine." 
Can you involve your child in one new thing today and explroe how it makes them feel? Make a list of things you need to do around the home, and designate a day for each (rather than tackling all at once). 

(44-45). 

Together, we created a short book with our bedtime routine detailed and would read this on the couch before we began our evening rituals.. Our children love stories that clearly relate to life. 

(158)

***

5/5. Elizabeth Antonia has written and compiled a masterpiece. I now want to slow down, raise my kids with intention, and create a beautiful life with them.

Bedtime Stories for Girls of Destiny | Raeleigh Wilkinson

1. [Chieko Nishimura Okazaki] "Do you see women of different ages, races, or different backgrounds in the Church? Of different educational, marital and professional experiences? Women with children? Women without children? Women of vigorous health and those who are limited by chronic illness or handicaps? Rejoice in the diversity of our sisterhood! It is the diversity of colors in a spectrum that makes a rainbow." (11)

2. [Sahar Qumsiyeh] "My country has never experienced peace, but now I feel my heart has enough peace to cover the entire country of Palestine." (79)

3. [Emily Bates] "Sometimes, people ask Emily about the conflicts between religion and science, and she says simply that they are complementary approaches to finding the truth.  When science and religion seem to conflict, Emily prays and studies.  Through the Spirit, she discerns what is true or how the two concepts can work together.  She believes everything good is from God and that all truth leads to Him." (21)

4. [Julia Mavimbela] "I give thanks to God that he has made me a woman.  I give thanks to my Creator that he has made me black, that he has fashioned me as I am with my hands, heart, head to serve my people.  It can, it should be a glorious thing to be a woman." (39)

5. [Noelle Pikus-Pace] "Rise above it all, whatever holds you back, and become who you want to become." (67)

***

5/5. This book is a beautiful compilation of inspired women and their stories.  This is geared toward a younger audience in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, and it's such a fun book to have on hand as I teach my own daughters. The stories are diverse and beautiful, and the artwork is equally stunning!

The Curated Closet | Anuschka Rees

1. "In our culture, buying a ton of new stuff every year has become the norm.  We are so used to buying new clothes, gadgets, and knickknacks all the time that buying less, repairing what you have instead of immediately replacing it, and putting time and effort into selecting new purchases all seem like foreign concepts.  An effective way to reset what you consider normal and gain a new perspective is going on a temporary shopping fast.  Don't buy anything for one whole week and see how you feel.  Or don't buy anything new for one moth except for food and essentials like shampoo and toilet paper.  You can also limit your shopping fast to just one specific group of things you're having trouble with, like clothes or beauty products.  Throughout your fast, keep a little diary of how you feel so you can later go back to identify your personal triggers for wanting to shop and find replacement activities." (220)

2. [Cotton] "Check the density of the fabric by holding it up to the light.  Even if it is very fine, the fabric should not be transparent.  If the fabric lets through a lot of light, it's a sign that it is not very dense and therefore will not be very durable." 226

3. "Always check the care instructions before you buy a linen piece.  Linen is very prone to shrinking, and many linen garments can only be dry cleaned or washed in cold water." (227)

4. "Oftentimes, a small amount of synthetic fiber improves the fit of an otherwise natural fabric. Spandex, poyester, or Lycra especially, mix well with cottons or wools to add stretch and elasticity and make sure the garment keeps its shape after washing.  For fitted items that you want to curve around your body (such as Jeans and T-shirts), look for a fabric composition that includes about 2 to 5 percent of a stretchy synthetic material." 233

5. "The essential two-step fit check... Step 1: Mirror check. 

...Step 2: Movement check: 

...Check how your piece feels and looks during these four basic movements: 

1. Hug someone (or pretend to) 
2. Sit down.
3. Walk
4. Bend over (as if you were tying your shoes). 
If you like, you can also do some lunges or a little chicken dance." (244)

***

3/5 I think this is a creative book. I felt it was more tailored for young people, however, such as those in college or just starting out.  I would have loved more examples for types of styles, and their descriptions. I would have loved more focus on how to look put together when you're a mom and the only thing you want to wear are yoga pants and sweatshirts.  I did find the chapter on how to know if a garment is high quality invaluable. I loved that aspect of the book! 

Anxious People | Fredrik Backman

1. "The older police officer squints at the real estate agent.  He's gotten into the habit of doing that when he encounters incomprehensible individuals, and a lifetime of almost constant squinting has given the skin under his eyes something of the quality of soft ice cream. The Realtor, who is evidently of the opinion that no one heard her the first time, offers an unwanted explanation: 'Get it? HOUSE TRICKS Real Estate Agency. HOW'S TRICKS? Get it? Because everyone wants a real estate agent who knows the best...'" (18)

2. "Nothing is easier for people who never do anything themselves than to criticize someone who actually makes an effort." (209)

3. "Ro replied dejectedly: '...Since she got pregnant everything's become so serious, because parents are always serious and I suppose we're trying to fit in.  Sometimes I don't think I'm ready for the responsibility-- I mean, I think my phone is asking too much of me when it wants me to install an update, and I find myself yelling: 'You're suffocating me.' You can't shout that at a child. And children have to be updated all the time, because they can kill themselves just crossing the street or eating a peanut! I've mislaid my phone three times already today, I don't know if I'm ready for a human being.'" (163)

4. "Julia didn't follow the logic. 

'Grandchildren would make him feel important?' 

Anna-Lena smiled weakly.  

'Have you ever held a three-year-old by the hand on the way home from preschool?' 

'No.' 

'You're never more important than you are then.'" (177)

5. "The bridge is covered with ice, sparkling beneath the last few valiant stars as dawn heaves its way over the horizon.  The town is breathing deeply around it, still asleep, swaddled in eiderdowns and dreams and tiny feet belonging to hearts our own can't beat without." (322)

***

4/5. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It was not only hilarious and relatable, but the unfolding of the story was clever and beautiful and poignant. Bravo, Fredrik Backman! Can't wait to read more of your books.

The Midnight Library | Matt Haig

1. "She had thought, in her nocturnal and suicidal hours, that solitude was the problem. But that was because it hadn't been true solitude.  The lonely mind in the busy city yearns for connection because it thinks human-to-human connection is the point of everything.  But amid pure nature (or the 'tonic of wildness' as Thoreau called it) solitude took on a different character.  It became in itself a kind of connection.  A connection between herself and the world.  And between her and herself." 126

2. "She imagined, now, what it would be like to accept herself completely. Every mistake she had ever made.  Every mark on her body.  Every dream she hadn't reached or pain she had felt.  Every lust or longing she had suppressed.  

She imagined accepting it all. The way she accepted nature.  The way she accepted a glacier or a puffin or the breach of a whale.  

She imagined seeing herself as just another brilliant freak of nature.  Just another sentient animal, trying their best. 

And in doing so, she imagined what it was like to be free."

143

3. "Look at that chessboard... 'At the beginning of a game, there are no variations.  There is only one way to set up a board.  There are nine million variations after the first six moves.  And after eight moves there are two hundred and eighty-eight billion different positions.  And those possibilities keep growing.  There are more possible ways to play a game of chess than the amount of atoms in the observable universe.  So it gets very messy.  And there is no right way to play; there are many ways.  In chess, as in life, possibility is the basis of everything.  Every hope, every dream, every regret, every moment of living." 195

4. "We just have to close our eyes and savour the taste of the drink in front of us and listen to the song as it plays."  277

5. "She followed her brother inside her flat to start tidying up, catching a glimpse of the clusters of irises in Mr. Banerjee's garden as she went.  Flowers she hadn't appreciated before, but which now mesmerised her with the most exquisite purple she had ever seen.  As though the flowers weren't just colours but part of a language, notes in a glorious floral melody, as powerful as Chopin, silently communicating the breathtaking majesty of life itself." 283

***

5/5.